i am emily and...

scooliosis-spines:

sometimes I like to google scoliosis, just see what the Internet throws at me, and it’s really fucking annoying. It’s all like ‘scoliosis doesn’t usually hurt’ ‘scoliosis only causes pain in adults aged 65 and over’

WHAT TYPE OF SCOLIOSIS ARE YOU STUDYING HERE AND WHERE DID YOU GET THIS BULLSHIT INFORMATION?
DID YOU ACTUALLY ASK PATIENTS WITH SCOLIOSIS OR DID YOU JUST MAKE YOUR OWN ASSUMPTIONS LIKE THE REST OF THE ENTIRE NON-SCOLIOSIS HUMAN RACE. God.

i’m not sure what to think. doctors/medical professionals sometimes don’t know how to fix things (back pain) and it’s annoying when they can’t admit to patients they don’t know something. for example, i went to the doctor for back pain several weeks ago and then i went to physical therapy. all they could tell me was ‘therapy might help’ and then they rushed through the stuff. i tried to ask questions but i don’t know anything either, i was hoping they were right… so then i’ve been doing the therapy about every other day but then suddenly last week my back was in more pain. it’s also annoying because i’m on a tight budget and don’t need to be going up to the doctor once a month when they could spend a little more time with me and we solve the issue in one visit.

i have scoliosis and mild pain and lately my bones keep creaking/popping. but i also work a pretty physical job at a daycare with toddlers that i have to pick up so maybe it’s just that….

i respect doctors and medical people but they are not always perfect. 

society is going to fix the biggest problems before the smaller ones. not that many people have scoliosis + back pain. but at the same time health and pain is so much more important than nice houses and video games and movies. somehow society needs to correct this. especially american society. i feel like we could solve most of our health problems if we valued the right things more.

it’s kind of ridiculous that a person could work at a desk and earn 100k while another person does physical labor and earn 30k. it’s ridiculous that people earn millions of dollars for acting. it’s ridiculous that people will buy something and most of that money goes to an asshole ceo and not to the people who put the energy and time into making it.

btw, i typically try to buy only things i really need. i don’t buy ‘wants’ much at all. i don’t even buy new clothes anymore at all. my weakness is food at restaurants, though. if i had more money than i needed, i would donate it. 

i’m not sure what the point of my rant is. 

This goes out to you if you have scoliosis and are sad about it…

nihilistic-delusions:

Your spine is so happy to be apart of you that it’s smiling.

lol. this sounds like a quote from bob ross or mr rogers

health/personal update

the doctor discovered i have ‘central sleep apnea’ which means my brain ‘forgets’ to breathe and i wake up many times throughout the night. it’s also unusual because there isn’t a cause of mine like with other people. i just have it, if that makes sense. this really bothers me because sleep is so important and i haven’t had any quality sleep in years. 

i also simply bent over today, and immediately felt like i pulled a muscle in my back or something. i’m blaming work for this. i work at a daycare and have to pick up the toddlers a lot. whenever i escape that -spawn of satan- i just hope i remember to be thankful i was able to escape it and then go back and help others who work hard and don’t earn enough. 

i just really hate myself more and more though. i hate my body right now!

i don’t know what is wrong with my head, but lately everything makes me uncomfortable/cringe. for example:

-cement is too hard and i thus hate walking/driving

-i get stuck thinking about body parts such as organs/bones and disgust myself

-paper annoys me 

-small things (beads, seeds, pebbles) make me cringe; and so on….

i’m trying not to create psychological problems for myself but i feel like that’s what i’m doing sometimes. i’ll just wait and check it out in a few weeks if it doesn’t stop. actually, i have been able to redirect my thinking to stop mild panic attacks and ocd, so i will just have to try that now.

is energy possible without matter?

is it possible to have energy without matter?

is energy simply the movement of matter?

also,

if so many organs can be transplanted and don’t need the body/oxygen/nutrients for hours, why do we need to breathe constantly? 

genetically engineering humans

a few thoughts on this:

-To me, it sounds mostly horrible, but when I think about a possibility of my child or any child having some painful, awful disease I am seriously conflicted …

-I wouldn’t want anyone to pick looks, athleticism, or even prevent mild diseases such as mild retardation, but at the same time the type of people to pick out those genes are the type of people to put their kids in beauty pageants, put sports above school, and feel burdened by a retarded family member, etc, so…..

-Perhaps a solution is to only allow people to be able to choose one or 2 modifications per person

-Another problem with this is that there would become 2 different classes of people, perfect people and not perfect people. 

-Then there is the whole issue of ‘my sister’s keeper’ situations where some kids are born to provide blood or other body parts to others. That’s really disturbing to me.

-Also, if you create a person who has all the attributes you want, you are taking out the fun of learning and experiencing growth, imo.

In conclusion, I think this is mostly bad. But could be good in only a few, few circumstances. I also am mostly opposed to engineering animals/plants/nature.