i have no idea what i'm doing. ~namaste~

Posts tagged about me

Jul 11


okay my anxiety has been through the roof this week

i can’t eat

(via lotfan)

Jul 6

i need a conspiracy theory to think about or political issue to argue about or something

back in may i spent a week watching all of the sandy hook hoax conspiracy theory videos on youtube every day for a few hours each day

Jun 26

me and Jazz are exploring

in the last one i’m standing on some really nice moss- it feels like carpet

Jun 23

I don’t care what I do anymore I just want to do something creative with my life
Also want to write a good poem

Jun 16

mine are good but i’ve seen some really creative ones over the years :’)

how i used to think back when i had ocd

It mostly manifested in obsessive thinking but I had a few habits and did some things 8 times but not every time would I, say for example, wash my hands 8 times. 

Anyways, I just remember it starting around when I was 13/14 and I was double checking my homework and making sure I was ready before I left the house and stuff…..Over a few years I just kept checking everything and I ended up just sitting there, you may never know it, but sitting there in my head every day going: ‘Did I wash everything enough in the shower? Did I bring my homework? Did I buckle my seat belt? Did I drive to school without hitting anyone?’ and I would answer all those in my head…then I’d want to ask them again to myself just to be sure, and I would do that about 8 times sometimes like: ‘Did I wear my seat belt to school? yes. Did I wear my seat belt to school? yes. ….’ On and on this went throughout each day. So I wouldn’t talk much at school or in general because I was trying to keep up with my thoughts. And I could hardly actually do anything because I would literally just sit and stare into space for several minutes at a time having racing thoughts/questions. I remember some days I would get home and just sit somewhere and think for ~30 minutes like that before I did anything else.

I just remember feeling a little anxiety but mostly not much…I didn’t have hardly any panic attacks. I think I just felt a small general anxiety most of the time, but it was small. 

It was stupidly easy to overcome. Honestly all I think I needed was to go to someone who seemed ‘professional’ and like the knew what they were doing, even though I could have gone to anyone for this…I just enjoyed the therapy because of the atmosphere. And she basically just told me ‘you know what you are doing is pointless right? just think about other things.’ but somehow the way she said it was really helpful. So I think that’s all I really needed to hear from that person, instead of myself or just anyone else. 

so yeah. It’s kind of weird that language is for communication, but how we settle into thinking just to ourselves. 

Jun 14


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